reasons

i said some goodbyes this weekend. my grandmother cried. my grandfather seemed distant. my mother is being so supportive. i'm having a problem with dealing with some people though. there are a few (the ones that i care about the most) that are making this emotionally difficult for me. they are being so selfish and only thinking about how this is going to affect them. so, because they are going to miss me, they are going to be mean or flippant or distantly uncaring to show me that they don't care. or maybe they are trying to make me feel the way they feel since technically i am making them feel this way?
i have been pretty supportive of the many friends and lovers that have left me in the past years. but i do admit that there have been a few that i selfishly made it hard for them to leave because it was hard on me. the thing is, i see this now (and apologize) and i understand that it was hard on them in the first place because they were leaving everything they knew. the last thing they needed was to have a mopey passive agressive situation on their hands. they needed support and understanding.
i guess what i am saying is that i don't want to leave anyone. i have to go and do this thing for myself. i am not abandoning anyone. i am not running away. it is hard for me to say goodbye. the last thing i want is my last memories to be of bitter heart wrenching disagreements.
there is a way to leave physically without leaving emotionally. (i was saying just last night that with all this technology you would think that we would progress in our communicating with each other. but sadly it seems that we have an even harder time telling each other how we truly feel when we feel it. but we sure can text message it or myspace it or blog it. oh well. at least we are getting it out somehow, right?) i just don't know.