i thought i left the heat...

i woke up this morning with a panic feeling. it was true. i really did do this. fucking christ, man.
it's real. i left everything.
i do miss so much already, but i understand that this is where i am going now.
i do so wish that the people that said they would come visit really will come.

last night i sat on the kitchen floor and stared at the wall.
why did i leave the people that i care so much about? matt said not to worry, that there will be a depression. we will both feel it. it may last a long or short time, but we should feel it completely and then move on. being sad about leaving the people you love is natural because you love them. i just hope that i can do it and not drag anyone down with me. i do wish that some people would understand that this is very hard on me and i did not want to leave them.
i don't think anyone is ever completely ready to move away from their home. i tried so hard to see the ones i love and i felt so good that people wanted to be around me before i left.

my god, it is soooooooo hot here right now in the sun.
my apartment feels great though. probably 10 degrees cooler than outside. no A/C! thanks to the double hung windows we have an amazing second story breeze coming through. i stayed inside to clean all day instead of being out in the van. we are waiting till it gets darker to unload the rest.

we pulled in last night at 8pm. it took us about 24 hours total to get here. we stayed the night in virginia saturday. johhny smoothe loved the adventure. isis, on the other hand, was terrified riding on the dashboard, under the seat, in matt's lap.

we unloaded half the van, pulled the mattress upstairs and crashed in the living room. woke up this morning and walked to the market at the end of the block. got coffee, walked johnny to the other end of the block to the park and showed matt the Armory ( the big castle ). cleaned. moved. cleaned. moved. i took some slides of the apartment. when we get all the technical stuff set up, i can scan the photos.

i took my first dose of liquid iron this morning. i found out (b/c of all of the blood work i had to have done for school) that i have a seriously low amount of ferritin, a protein that enables the body to absorb the iron. my iron level is low, but ok. the problem is, it just sits there. nothing gets doen with it. so, i have to drink iron 3 times a day. i am supposed to eat with it, but i can't ingest caffeine, dairy, eggs, cereal, whole grains, calcium with it. so, i am soooo confused as to what i am to eat with this? a sprig of parlsey?
i got a tingle of energy, then nausea, then energy, then nausea. now i am ok and have to go take more. this is going to be very interesting. i have to mix it with apple juice and drink it with a straw. the intense dosage of the iron will make my teeth brown if i drink it normally. great!
so, i am going to do this now and get back to the getting of my life together...

getting my life together...