why is it that when i go to draw or paint, i have such a hard time and i don't like it at all when i step back,
but then when i get an idea to make something for someone else, i am so happy with it and i end up giving it away?
it's almost like i need a reason to make something and it is usually for someone else with a specific purpose in mind.
maybe this will help me be a good architect someday.
or it could just be that damn christian upbringing and the teachings of "selfishness" and the only way for me to feel good about making or doing something is if it is for someone(s) else.
it's frustrating and i would like to stop some of that you know.
i would just like to make some thing for myself sometimes.
i guess you could say that i am doing that when i make it for other people, but i have ideas for me and i would like to see those through too.
right now i can't leave the house because i am running around like a chicken with its head cut off. i just keep going from one room to the next doing something. it's like i have a factory in here.
so, well, back to it i suppose.
i just needed to vent.
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1 comment:
So I guess that I am your most popular comment-leaver... which is rad. Your blog gives me a nice vacation from the slave-labor job i have to put up with every day.
but i thought i would specifically comment on this, because i feel the exact same way sometimes. When people ask to see my "best work" i just imagine the smiles on the faces and love that i've felt from the all people that the work now belongs to. which feels kinda good sometimes, but you know, a portfolio aint a bad thing to have, either.
We should have a time where we just make work as gifts to ourselves. like, a night where we play music, and drink wine... and we can even wrap up the gifts to ourselves and then open them up at the end.
i hope this doesn't mean "sneak some zuccini onto your neighbors porch night" is off.. we can decorate a few and keep them for ourselves if that makes you feel better :)
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